allora mmm

so im back from italy.

and i've decided to start blogging here again.

to-do list

1) stop being so giving.
2) buy new eyeliner.
3) heal from these wisdom teeth
4) chill the fuck out.

fuck boys. bring me a man.

actually scratch that. im ready to graduate and peace the spork out. im ready for my own place and space and time. then you can bring me a man.

right now, im floating. and its not the vicodin that is talking. i'm still in that great between that i wrote about in my last post. i had this crazy entry in my moleskin where i had the realization that i have everything that i thought that i ever needed but now, i'm still searching for... oh whatever.

hiatus, no. death to this.

involved. secretly involved.

i want to remember this day as the day between lives. the overlap as already happening. overlap between me of then and me of now and me of the future. isnt that all that life is, the overlap of everything? between 13 and 14. boyfriends and exboyfriends. day trips and night trips. vegas and non-vegas. riverside and la. america and the rest of the world. run on sentences and paragraphs. the beginning of a sigur ros song and the end of it. winter quarter and spring quarter.

failure and drunkeness. i walk that line with grace and prosperity.

i knew this year was going to be a good year.

and me saying that isnt going to ruin anything.

i think this is the end of this blog. 4 year and 2 months. thanks for letting me remember how i was, how i shouldnt be, and how i want to be.

project runway.

sadly, there are no daniel vosovics this season. but i think the girls, especially allison kelly, are cute. she soooo cute.

this is part of her bio:

"In 1998, Alison migrated to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where she pursued her studies in fine arts and metal smithing at the Instituto de Allende."

so when she was 18, she went to mexico to study METAL SMITHING.

and then theres angela with her mushroom hunting. YES.

You scored as Italian. Italian 100% Irish 88% Belgian 88% Russian 75% German 75% French 75% Turkish 75% British 75% Polish 75% Swiss 63% Danish 50% Spanish 50% Dutch 50% Molvanian 13% Which nationality should you have created with QuizFarm.com

i can't help but think that i totally fucked up my freshman year in college.

honestly. i. can't. help. it.

i'm feeling really shitty right now. and the heat isnt helping. wtf. why is it 81 degrees at THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING? that should be illegal. fuck nature. fuck it all.

shitty shitty shitty. wow.

i dont even know why.

===

twenty something angst.

21
so im turning 21 overseas.
i had this conversation with my parents yesterday.

first of all, i'd like to start with the fact that i went to church with my parents yesterday. at 11:15am, i walked into my parents' room and saw that they were getting ready for church. obviously my mom said,

"you should come to church with us."

i replied with my usual, "no." and i left. and 10 seconds later, i put on my sunday best (diagonal striped halter dress and charles david wedges) and got in the car. it was 11:25. i was in the car before my mom was.

11:26, my mom finally gets in the car and at 11:29, my dad was parking.

this is where i would say what happened but i'll just explain. apparently my mom didnt see me in the car so she was really surprised to see that i came to church (even more surprised that i was in the car with them).

anyways, we walked across the street towards st. brendans. my mom studied what i was wearing and fruitlessly tried to pull up my dress to cover my cleavage. i said,

"God made my breasts. I dont think she'd like a masterpiece like these covered up"

hahaha. my mom enjoyed that.

after church, we ate at thai bbq.
my dad pointed out that my 21st was coming soon.

i really wanted to turn 21 in the states. just so i can get really fucked up with friends and people can take pictures of me handing my id to guy at the liquor store while buying a 40. or go clubbing and dance with a drink in hand. oh wait, i've done that already (hahaha. CLUBBANG. but whatever. i told my parents that i was bummed that i was going to turn 21 in a place where i already couldn drink. so my dad said

"i turned 21 overseas too. i was on a ship."
i guess he was doing whatever my dad did back in the day.
it kinda made me feel better.

i've been on blogger for over 4 years. and im still unsure as to why i still blog.

nooooo. im a faker. i know exactly why im here. not until today did i find that the way i blog is the socially accepted way to blog. meaning:

- writing whatever the fuck i want
- using poor language and optional capitalization.
- cussing up a storm

so im at starbucks today. why? to steal their air conditioning. as an avid coffee bean and tea leaf lover and supporter of lost souls cafe i feel no remorse for taking up precious floor space and chair at the #2 starbucks in the uv (still the the stupidest bullshit ever. what do you need two starbuckes for? WITHIN 100 years of each other??)

whatever. i couldnt stand the heat in my apartment, which sadly is 89 degrees. inside. 93 degrees outside.

im pretty sure that the temperature in here is hovering near the 60 degree mark. its nippy and im enjoying it

it recently came to my attention that i have two weeks of summer school left. what the fuck. how did that happen? essentially it means that i only have two weeks of riverside left. !!!. i'll triumphantly return to riverside winter quarter a woman of the world. haaa. joke.

i got a call from danielle last week saying that she couldnt believe that i was leaving so soon
kat recently flipped her calendar to next month and was shocked that august 22nd was so soon.

before any of that happens, i will be making some mini trips. to vegas. this weekend.

===

theres this girl outside of starbucks. and she has a purple bag. i may have to steal this bag.

to-do list

- wamu.
- possibly grocery shopping.

or not. i can live off water and.. ok fine, i have no food. sad days.

when no one is looking

dance like a fool.
like the fool you are.

have you ever wondered what it would be like to dance to "i'm a cuckoo" with 75 other rabid fans? refreshing.

wow

in the past 2 days of actually being home my mom was asked me to:

clean my room 5 times

and

lose weight 3 times. (twice in the past 15 minutes)

---

whatevs. im getting pho.

Happy 4th Birthday
to this blog.

womens studies aka study a broad



i bought my ticket.

august 22nd - december 21st.

also

there have been a couple of things bothering me lately that i choose to ignore.

i think i am a pretty chill gal. i let things slide and i allow people to figure out whats wrong when i'm mad at them. this is because im not about to tell them that what they're doing to stupid and wrong because im not their mother. and thats despite the fact that i have motherly instincts and that i prepare for what ever the world gives me (natural disasters / drama... sad how that comes in one sentence)

also, im kinda disappointed in myself. i havent tried at all this quarter. and its stupid because i always feel like im trying to impress people but then i realize that i really dont care. i love people who love me back.

you can think whatever you want about me. and if you think im amazing, you're totally right.

===

i have never spent so many weekends in riverside as i did this quarter. fuck you. i like it here.

===

my room is still a fucking mess.

recluse

dear spiders,

please fuck off. stop biting me in my face. thanks.

-vanessa

random


peahen: hmf. i'm unimpressed.

he's not my type: he's not mexican

week 9. still not caring. still not taking any initiative.

==

sign that i am, indeed, getting older: i think i may have to start wearing my glasses when i drive. jesus christ, is my body starting to degenerate already? fuck dammit.

==

10 page paper. due this thursday. only one page done(ish) no, you're crazy.

==

ok i'll do it.

notice how i havent changed my mood from ambivalent since july 2004.

danielle: oh my god , you went to st brendans and found a book that you checked out in 2nd grade?
me: hahah yeah
danielle: that must have been a really unpopular book
me: fuck you.

frustrated? lazy? tired? happy?

who knows. i'm still in riverside because i felt like staying and i didnt feel like driving.

i'm leaving tomorrow. i'll be back by sunday afternoon

ok, in truth, i've been doing one of my favoritest past times: blog hopping. digging around in people's lives (or what people like to present to the world) is fun.

the realization that people as cynical as yourself is comforting. the realization that people as materialistic than yourself is comforting. the realization that people are in shittier situations than yourself is comforting.

but,

the realization that people have things that you cant have sucks.

in retrospect, i'm happy that i dont have the things that i want because looking back, i really dont know what i want at all. on top of that, whenever i get things that i want, things tend to turn sour.

i dont even want to think about school
i dont even want to think about my future.

i'm under the impression that way i have been living my life will eventually bulid up and explode in my face.

i'm excited for the future outcome and the predicted abysmal effects.

ortho. tri. cyclen. lo





well, after not being on birth control for a year and half, i'm going back on. for reasons. one) there is no way im getting pregnant any time soon. two) my face will thank me. three) being on birth control means...

i have to quit smoking.

ugh.

life update

1) boyfriendless
2) not boy-less
3) lately, i've been incredibly tired.
4) rome here i come, but what will all the paper work? hmph.
5) my room is clean. amazing.
6) i havent smoked in a while. (good)
7) mmm. procrastination.
8) i'm growing an avocado tree from the pit of my guacamole..
9) i have come to the conclusion that i will never delete this blog (if i can help it)
10) i've gained hella weight. i dont care. i love myself anyways.

semi-glad that i dont feel like being so negative on this blog

who know what tomorrow will bring
maybe sunshine, maybe rain
well as of me i'll wait
maybe it'll bring my love to me, who knows.

from rjd2 smoke and mirrors

===

dude. im cleaning my room. 5:21am. wtf.

i will get a job

for the two purposes:

1) money for the fall

2) these shoes

ridiculous amounts of unfinished business

so theres a sprinker outside my apartment that is broken. it spews out huge streams of water at exactly 12:50am every night.

also, there is a large mountain of dirt (probably fertilizer) sitting outside. i kinda want to go sledding on it.

i have to make a decision

although i had a really good weekend and a good quarter in general, i have a weird sense of unease. ok, make that a huge sense of unease. i just wish that i could get a really good solid piece of mind.

boy it sucks to be poor. i really want to buy a pair of shoes.

like, tell me why i really like these stripper shoes:





i know, right? all sorts of hoe status. in anycase, i want them. whens the next half yearly sale?

this entry had no point. whatevs.

new policy

new way to stop self from feeling sorry for said self:

immerse self in a selfless organization for which you work for someone else.

the ten commandments

so, wow, moses' wife is the hottest shepherdess that i've ever seen.

oooh, halloween costume idea. sexy shepherdess.

so, happy easter. i totally missed out on the last two days of the triduum.

uh soo...

saved by the bell on adult swim? yesssssssss. (again, rebecca sealfon style).

==

anyways!

the first two weeks of the quarter were a totaly blur. i havent missed one class but i feel like i havent learned anything. I was up in the bay last week end for the gabnet west coast regional retreat. and suddenly, i felt 110% more militant.

blah broohahaha

go out and sit on the lawn



the internet depresses me sometimes. but i think i really like this picture, so its all good.

eskuewla

im done with tagalog. wow. A- average straight through. seriously.

a new quarter, a new start, another opportunity to fuck up. lets try not to fuck these up:

Sociology 133: Inequaity and Social Class its too early to judge this class. bel's indian girlfriend is there with me so its all good, baby baby.

Sociology 121: Sociology of the 1960s interesting enough. i like the professor. i can tell that shes trying hard.

Sociology 174: Socialization and Personality this professor's powerpoints are well done. and he seems like a dork as well.

Computer Science 8 shoot me now. and on top of that , i dont know anyone in the class.

Taiko Ensemble i like yelling. i like hitting. i'm going to love this class.

people

i like them again. im up for mending.

b! miiinuuuus

hhahahahaha wtf. i didnt fail physics. i remained above average. yessssss

sociological theory

sucks.

finals
next week. eep.

spring quarter

im taking taiko. because i discovered unvented rage beneath my cool exterior. HA. that and i like hitting things.

dear god,

could you make it snow in riverside? that would seriously make my week.

<3 vanessa

dear the N,



thanks for telling me something that i already knew, but making it seem a little degrading.

<3 vanessa

37

thats how many degrees it is. in riverside. ha.

anyways, its dead week. and my room in messy.

tomorrow night is the "livelihood for leyte" benefit show for the mudslide victims of the Philippines. please come out and support this cause.

its not even that much to get in. 3 dollars! or canned goods! good stuff! you'll feel great about yourself, i promise.

finals

so with finals coming up, i would like to post my finals schedule here.

monday
physics final - 8:00am to 11:30am
soc 168 final - 3:00pm to 6:00pm

tuesday
get drunk

wednesday
burn

thursday
get drunk and burn

friday
study

satuday
soc 158 final - 11:00am - 2:30pm

YEAH, I KNOW.

tents

i should bring a tent to riverside and set it up on my patio. because honestly, that would be so cool.

(un)masquerade

the organizing committee of GABnet Riverside present: self-inflicted violence.

our mask was fucking scary. a la 'nip tuck'

italia

alex: so you're going to italy
me: yes sir!
alex: how long with you be there?
me: august to december
alex: thats a lot of pasta
me: i know!
alex: "i know!" she says!!

not doing anything


Four Jobs I’ve Had In My Life in LA:
1) telephone picker-upper at GB Tune up
2) retail slave at American Eagle Outfitters
3)
4)

Four Movies About LA I Could Watch Over And Over:
1) Collateral
2) Volcano ( come on, my former place of employment got blown up in it )
3) Crash
4) magnolia

Four Places I’ve Lived All Over L.A. (With Food Memories From Each):
1) koreatown - pho 2000
2)
3)
4)
i've only lived in one place in la

Four LA-Themed Shows I Love(d) To Watch:
1) six feet under
2) arrested development
3) threes company
4) animaniacs (ok fine, its burbank)

Four LA-Based Websites I Visit Daily:
1) losanjealous
2) blogging.la
3) franklinavenue.net
4) curbed la

Four Of My Favorite Foods Found In LA:
1) steak sandwich at yucas
2) swingers fries at swingers
3) combo wrap + hot potatoes at california chicken cafe
4) mac 'n' cheese + sweet potato fries at cafe 101

Four Places In LA I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1) eating a combo wrap at CCC
2) buying secondhand juicy at buffalo exchange
3) smoking a ciagrette in my car aimlessly driving through la
4) smoking a cigarette at fred 62 after eating a BLTA.

Also:

My music from my ipod got deleted, once again.
Whatever. My music will return, stronger than ever.

whatever man

Kat and I had the best conversation ever. I love my best friend.

This week has called the end of "Shitty February, 2006". It spilled over a little into March. I blame Myla for this because she's extending black history month.

Today, I have decided to ditch my sacrifice of smoking and myspace due to the fact that I have fucked up already and its only 6 days into Lent.

My New Lenten Promises Will Be

- learn how to capitalize letters
- re-organize life (keep computer on point, keep room clean)

Fuck man, I haven't felt this good in ages. I feel like I've been dragging my feet for forever and things are finally beginning to pick up.

ugh.

dear god,

i wish that computers never fucked up on me.
because that would spare me a lot of stress.
and since i have given up cigarettes for you
its giving me a headache. and i'm sick of it

i don't make any sense and i have no intention to change that.

love, vanessa

su-su-su-slacking

is it bad that all i want to do all day is sit around with my window's open but have my heater on full blast? is it bad that all i want to do is clean my room but i can never muster enough drive to get up and do it? is it bad that sometimes i just want to smoke a bowl and do nothing for the rest of the day? is it bad that i want this month to be over but i dont want it to be march yet?

i havent showered in a day and a half. and i dont feel like showering any time soon.

i feel like such a hippy with my hair. its fuckin' long.

i bought a shit-load of things online.

i've been sitting here in front of my computer attempting to write something. behind me, im watching tv. there area ton of thoughts in my head but i cant even get it out. for some reason, i've become self conscious about what i write on here. if i type out something happy, i'll feel like im being so fake. if i type something overtly depressing, i'll seem so whiny.

blah. thats depressing, make it stop.

that was december. 2003. why do i still feel this way.

this has redeemed my february



ok so i've been studying for my midterm on monday. i sincerely wish that the gym was open until midnight on sundays because my ass would be in there right now. people have asked me why i hate february so much. so, i've decided to put all my reasons in one conclusive post. lets go over this by year.

2002
- fell UP and flight of stairs on the hidden stair case at immac. result: large bruise
- stabbed in leg by a nail that was protruding out of a chair.
- did not get my class ring when i was supposed to get it. trust me, it was a big fucking deal.

2003
- virus wipe out on computer
- hydroplaned car on rowena and hyperion.
- crashed into curb.

2004
- leap year. i think the fact that it was a leap month, nothing bad happened to me.

2005
- got dumped.

2006
- spider bite on face
- jury duty
- suppose to see rex naverrete. the free show was SOLD OUT. fuckin' a.
- over draft on my account. UGH.

sO

i dare you to say that this whole february thing it ALL in my head. because it isnt. fuck february.

random

erika's birthday party was yesterday. it was an athena house party. they never fail to impress. i remember a lot of it. i attribute that to the fact that i got so drunk at the pre-party and i threw up most of the alcohol in my system before i got to the athena party. obligatory picture post:




peacock and peahen. protectors of our brood.



so narcissistic that i cut out both mic and jason out of the picture



my breasts look top notch. dont you wish you were there.



"cocoa butter and boobs"



this picture was taken after i announced that i was going to have a debut. they're all going to be there. TANGET: im having a debut. debut/21st birthday party/graduation celebration. june 2007. you're invited. no dancing or cotillion court but i will have 21 candles and 21 roses. kthanks.

this month must end.

kat's 21st bethday was the shit. i drunk dialed everyone to make them come. hahaha.


so i think this picture was taking saturday morning. that was the night we got really fucked up. FUCKED UP. and no, those are my underwear showing, thats how the pants were built.



these were the shots of patron that we took after everything was ok. woot.



brian says: fuck the popo



aww. familia



israel and bryant are singing.
i am gone.



you drank ALL THE PATRON.

yeah. that was a good weekend. too bad i dont remember all of it.

the wrath or february commences

- spider bite on FACE.
- overdraft!
- jury duty next week.

mohter fuckers. can this month be over now?

this february will suck as all the februaries before it have. (except for that random one in 2004, but thats because it was a leap year)

ok, the end. bye.

obsession.

love.love.love. project runway. so much that i have been re-thinking much of my wardrobe. and thinking of actually losing weight i look better in clothes (and out of clothes as well ;) anyways, i'll discuss this week's project runway, Inspiration.

"its a mother fucking walk-off"

i love daniel v. i love his crooked nose, the way he ties up his hair when he's working, and the fact that i can never have him. oh yeah, i love his designs too


niiice.


anyways. he won this weeks challenge with his flower dress. i loved the concept and i loved the dress but i know i could never pull it off.

nothing is a mistake
there's no win and no fail
there's only make.

resolve

1) procrastinate.
2) quit smoking.
3) drink a lot of water.

im kidding about number 2.

just kidding.