oh. that was painful. fucking pensive-ness. i guess this is the reason why people dont stay up this late/early. when you end up staying awake with no one to talk to but yourself, you start to question your actions... you begin to aimlessly wander through the internet and stumble upon memories that were happy but are the memories that you are still trying to get over.

and then you remember that you worked hard for something to work. you put effort in and it was something that mattered in your otherwise useless life. but just by being yourself... it falls apart.

its makes you question not only who you are but why you became yourself.

i need to go to sleep. hopefully i'll get good dreams. i'm currently on a good streak. i havent been having happy dreams but they arent terrifying. i dreamt last night that i was opening shoe boxes. all of them were empty, except for one. i guess that dream just ended up making me feel depressed. i need ms knudsen to interpret that dream.

i need a kairos.